A Moment When Stop Chasing Dream...

After 5 Years I am writing this one…

In July, 2010 I was finishing up my final semester of my college career, I emailed all the relatives and friends who lived outside India for everything that they did for me throughout my academic career & during my illness. I received responses from all of them, but one email stood out, particularly the ending of it. The email read, “mamam, I hope that graduating is just one of the many things that you aim for that you will, in fact, get to do. What else do you dream of doing? I wish it all for you, and more.”

At the time, I didn’t realize fully realize the weight of the question that my uncle (papa’s friend) was asking. What else do you dream of doing? It’s a hard question to answer, and I’m still not sure that I even know half of what I dream of doing, but I do know that in the six months that have passed since I’ve graduated college, I haven’t been doing anything that I’ve dreamed of doing.

Shortly after I graduated, I was able to get a job in the R&D department at Electrotherm India Ltd.  in Ahmedabad. I was excited to even get a job, let alone one that paid close to the average salary for a college graduate. I quickly realized, however, that the position that I’m in is one that people can easily get “stuck” in, and that it has nothing to do with what I want to accomplish with my life. In theory, I’m working an entry-level job to get experience for future jobs that will pay better than this job that will in turn allow me to actually pay for my entire instalment of bike each month. It’s something that I, like many others before me, have fallen victim to - allowing ourselves to become subjects of a society that values money above all else.

Now, I’m not some Marxist that believes that capitalism is the root of all evil, but when I sit in train to go Baroda, surrounded by people who can’t wait to get back to their homes in nine hours, I wonder whether or not they are actually chasing their dreams, or if they were forced to give up on them because they had no other choice but to give up on them. Do these people really want to be owned by their cell phones and their handkerchief and their water bottles? Is that what they dreamed of doing?

India, “the land where anyone can do anything,” breeds the same exact people, year after year after year. We wake up, make our kids’ lunches, feed and walking, get on crowded public transportation (where everyone has their headphones in an attempt to block out humanity) or sit in dead stop traffic to get to our jobs (whether they be white collar or blue collar), make money, get back on the same, oftentimes even more crowded public transportation or crowded free-way  finally get home, spend less time with our families than we do at work, eat, watch Ekta Kapoor’s family Drama, go to bed, and repeat. It’s easy to fall into this cycle because that’s how our society has been constructed. Want to spend some more time with your kids or your wife this morning? Well that could risk your position at work, so that is not an option.

Many people will say that what I’m telling is exaggerated, and perhaps it is, but if you’re reading this and are thinking, “This isn’t my life,” please attempt to realize how fortunate you truly are. Be glad that you escaped the cycle.

This easily could be some anger generated by the fact that I’m sick of pushing papers, and scanning documents, and filing and hole punching meaningless paperwork, or maybe I’m writing this because I’m stuck in some state, or maybe it’s because I forgot about what I dreamed of doing- whatever the reason may be, I believe that there is some truth to what I’m writing. The system that we live in doesn't support real creativity, unless of course you’re one of the lucky few who have been liberated from the system.

Maybe, I struggle to find meaning in the day-in and day-out, and most Indians who are subjected to the cycle have found the meaning of boring indefinite routine. Maybe, the dad who works his 9-8 does so because coming home every night to his son’s hug makes it all worth it. Maybe the 24-year-old who works as a cashier does so because she’s happy that she has new-found independence from her parents. Maybe, I’m lacking meaning in my day-to-day life, and I’m simply just waiting to find it. Maybe, once that meaning is found, I will look back on this piece and be happy that I’m no longer the cynic that I once was.

Still after 6 years, no change in life...

If you want to be comfortable, don’t try to live your dreams.”



Thank you Keith Pence...

Message For Best Friend...

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

There is a definitive moment in a person’s life where they become acutely aware of the fact that they found their soul mate. I'm not talking about the person they’ll spend the rest of their days waking up to each morning. I'm talking about the awkward person that changed your life forever. So, to that awkward person, my best friend:

Thank you for being you and for letting me be me. Thank you for letting me feels so much like myself when I'm with you. Thank you for not making me wears any masks or put on any fronts. Thank you for sharing in my happiest moments, and for genuinely feeling the same; for listening to my saddest stories and radiating compassion and empathy from wherever you are. Thank you for being the only person I ever want to confide in.

Thank you for being the most beautiful person, inside and out. Thank you for making the world a better place, just by being in it. Thank you for making colors a little brighter, sunshine a little warmer, and hugs a little better. Thank you for loving more fiercely than anyone I know. Thank you for defining selflessness, always putting others before yourself; you are going to change the world just as much as you have changed mine. 

Thank you for the laughs, for the cries, and for everything in between. Thank you for being my rock, my anchor; for keeping me grounded when I feel like I might otherwise blow away. Thank you for all of the things you do, big and small. Thank you for knowing me better than me. Thank you for always knowing what to say and for being one of life’s best teachers. Thank you for making fun of me when I deserve it, and for loving me when I don’t. Thank you for staying constant in a world full of change, and for keeping some normalcy in a world full of chaos. 

Thank you for setting the bar so high and making it impossible to find another friend as good as you. Thank you for making the twenty short years we have been friends feel like forever and for giving me enough memories to last a lifetime, but not ending there. Thank you for making me hurt when I miss you, but for taking the hurt away when I see you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the absolute privilege and honor of being able to call you my best friend; thank you for being my person. Thank you for giving me these reasons and a million more, to be thankful for. 

Forever and Always,

Your Best Friend…

Love Make A Good Person...

Let love make you believe. Despite the suffering and brokenness, know that there are people who still hold on to hope. The goodness may not always be seen on the surface, but it will always find a way to emerge and overcome pain. It’s hard to find the good when you’re stuck between different battles, but when you are beaming with love for yourself, for your significant other, for your family and friends, it helps you to look at the world in a different light.

Let love be the most influential force in your life to make you and those around you, better. The kind that makes you share what you possess because you don’t want to see the people around you be deprived of what they deserve. Have a heart big enough that it influences other people to touch lives as well. It’s too often that the little things in life are ignored when it should be the most appreciated.

Let love make you soft like how you should be, but hard when you need to be. The one that pushes you to forgive the people who have hurt you, but does not fool you to give chances to those who are not worthy. Mistakes are inevitable but do it too many times and it becomes a choice. It’s important to know who to keep and who to set free because, at the end of the day, it’s you who will feel the joy or the pang of sadness.

Let love fill you with excitement that makes your heart beat faster than normal. It’s good for the soul to have something to look forward to. Making plans, enjoying the moment, and reminiscing what happened during the day or night —these are three of the best things done with people you love dearly. Time is not meant to be wasted and places to be unexplored.

Let love leave no room for lies and doubts. It should be the kind of relationship that makes you look at the person highly and respect him for respecting you. The worst thing you can do to a person is to break their trust and leave them with an aching heart and a mind spinning out of control. It’s important to have a strong sense of self-worth, but any relationship — whether platonic, romantic, or familial — has the power to destroy it through lies and doubts.

Let love heighten your emotions. Whether you like it not, some things become a big deal even if it shouldn’t be. But just as much as you are aggravated with petty misunderstandings, the small gestures have the ability to make you ridiculously smile and turn your day better. Both negative feelings and positive feelings deeply affect you when the person matters to you.

And lastly, let love remain fierce. Never forget to keep maintaining and strengthening what you have; because when you’re holding a great thing, it’s your responsibility to treasure it unless you want to regret it for years. A love, whether platonic, romantic, or familial, should be real, passionate, and long-lasting.

Alone...

Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.

Most of the time, we’re scared of being alone in any situation. We grew up in a belief that we have to have someone with us in everything we do; otherwise, we’ll be lonely or sad. Some even say that we should never be alone so that we wouldn’t be miserable. It’s as if our happiness is dependent on the company of others.

I grew up believing that. I thought that if I have someone with me, I’d never be lost. I thought that I’d be sad if I have no one with me. I thought it would be scary to be alone in a room. I’ve always thought doing something enjoyable by your lonesome meant nothing and useless.

Being with others became a way of forgetting what’s happening in our real lives. We used our friends as doors to close a room we should be entering to deal with. Instead of facing reality, we turned our backs and retreated.

I never understood those who preferred being alone until I unconsciously became one. There came a year where it was full of mishaps and heartaches. I was hurting so much I couldn’t bear being with other people. I gave up on everything and everyone. Perhaps I even refused to get better and blocked anything good.

I was at my lowest but in those destructive months, I slowly learned how to appreciate being alone. I finally knew why some wished to be alone. No one could hurt you when you don’t let anyone completely in. I fully understood that people can never be trusted –even your own flesh and blood. At the end of every day, the only person you could rely on is yourself.

In being alone, I became free. I didn’t realize I was confined in other people that I forgot it was I who could dictate my own fate. I learned to strengthen my self-worth. There’s peace in solitude. There’s nothing wrong with favoring to stay at home on a Friday night rather than being with people who won’t even probably stand by your side when you have a breakdown.

I’m not saying that you have to build high and thick walls. There are still some who are worth letting in, but you should know that it is only you who have the power to either hurt yourself or make yourself happy. In appreciating being alone, you will become independent and that is possibly the best thing you could do to yourself.